Question by Raquel: Why wont our bondage sex get off the ground again? (slightly explicit and long question)?
Ive been with my partner for a year and a half, and we have two children together, a two year old (not his, childs real father was violent so I fled) and a 7 week old newborn. We met online and met up based on our love for music, bondage sex, and attraction as well as all the usual personality attraction. Fell in love quickly, well I did. Moving swiftly on, we started to engage in bondage activity, using ropes, gags, restraints, collars and gags and photography and we were getting into it, discovering more about each other and it was starting up real good. Then I fell unexpectedly pregnant with our second son, and started to withdraw from rough activity. We would talk openly about the fun we would have after he was born, expanding our fun and discussing new ideas. It was all looking to be an exciting prospect. Anyway another relevant matter also is that during my pregnancy he what I regard as cheating started to go on adult sex dating websites and message and chat to other girls looking for roleplay, numerous times I found out. (Nope he didnt have the decency to own up) and repeatedly reminded him that I didnt find it acceptable whilst he was in a relationship with me, as it didnt make me feel comfortable, wanted or appreciated for carrying his child. All three or so times, I forgave, but I dont forget it constantly hurts me, as every time he promised and begged me not to leave him. Im afraid he will never stop. Anyway... we had our son 7 weeks ago, I was ill for a couple of weeks but Im now 100% ready in body and mind to start our adventurous sex again and all of a sudden he has no time, energy or ever feeling in the mood to even have normal vanilla sex. We will have it once a week if that. Please dont suggest he is having a physical affair as his job allows no time for that, he doesnt even go online anymore. I understand that having a newborn can suck the energy out but Im the stay at home mum with a very active 2 year old and the newborn of which 2 nights a week I am home alone as he is away for work. I ask questions, try and invoke the mood, suggest the most hardcore of things and he doesnt seem interested anymore, or rather he says he is, but always seems to be so half hearted in saying it.I used to sense so much sexual energy and interest from him. He used to turn me on so much with his ideas and his deep desires of what he likes and wanted to do. He promised that I havent become a less desirable figure since birth but added to his cheating and his lack of interest, Im beggining to feel frustrated, slightly scared that we are falling apart, and kind of misled. Like all that he says he wanted to do was all talk and no play. We tell each other everything (or well Im hoping we do, besides the cheating) and we have discussed why its hasnt got off the ground again and his responses are that hes lost his confidence! I hate to sound slightly mean but a) he cheated on me and b) Im the one who gave birth and feel sceptical about my body after. If anything my confidence should be lost not his. I still proclaim that he is a god to me, and in my mind he is a sex god, gorgeous with amazingly long hair, and can play guitar and makes me feel so weak at the knees. But he doesnt play anymore and we dont have sex, and I dont know if I am kidding and willing myself to keep on believing that he is that god to me anymore. I love him and would never cheat, I just dont have the desire or the attraction to anyone but him, as far as I can see he is the only man in my vision ever. I explain this to him, but still seems to have lost confidence. Throughout our discussions he has expressed that he is worried it could get out of hand and he might go beyond his limits and is worried he will push too hard, but secretly this is really thrilling for me. I do like some serious rough play, psychological play and humiliation. Oh btw, Im the submissive, he the dominant. Just to clear that up. Another thing is that he has stopped trying to impress and attract me, he has become too relaxed. Im getting more tattoos, planning more piercings, and dress up on occassions and trying new things, these are for myself mostly but doesnt hurt to try and keep on trying to keep his interest and improve myself. Ive encouraged him to pick up his guitar again, try romantic things, Ive asked for a very simple request for valentines day, and asked him to get tattoos, these are all things he wants and does anyway, so I am not pushing him to do anything that he doesnt already have or do. Of course I wont lose interest in him, but it doesnt hurt to keep the attraction and attentions going. Hes simply stopped bothering. I feel like we are falling apart and kind of leading seperate lives, and our sex toys are gathering dust to be blunt. What is going on here?
Best answer:
Answer by goldwing
Reverse the roles! If you were submissive, become dominant...and very dominant! Hand-cuff him by surprise, force him to have sex with you. See if that changes the scene! B/D are two sides of the same coin. Tell him if you catch him jacking off, he will be punished severly! Order him around, lay down the "rules," and make sure he obeys! In your break from sex, and his time on-line, he may easily have switched sides without telling you...hard one to break to a girlfriend!
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